…When their friends are hooked up.

My friend just got engaged. Engaged. I am happy for her.

Words can’t begin to describe how I feel, knowing all she’s been through seeing her emerge stronger and stronger and transform into the woman she is today.

It wasn’t easy. It took a lot of frogs but she found her prince. Cliche but whatever.

But as happy as I am for her I can’t help thinking this is bad, really bad for me. Here I am on the edge of 24, never been in a real relationship, never been in love.

I’ve never felt secure in someone’s emotions for me not counting my mother that is.

I wouldn’t know what it’s like, wouldn’t know where to begin.

I can hardly relate to romances. It’s all sarcasm and laughs from me.

You know the moment, the dawning when he realizes he is irrevocably in love with her and she can’t spend the rest of her life without him …I fear I will never know how that feels.

And not for lack of trying the flame of romance burns hot and fast for me. I’ve been burnt too many times. Too many names-Andrew, Adim, Mark, Muneer, Emmanuel, Harold,… Too many close calls and coulda woulda shouldas. Too many times when I was almost there until I wasn’t.

Puppy love turned to teenage dreams to youthful lusts to waste of my time. Time I don’t even have anyway.

So will I fall in love, yes I will. I do everyday. Different faces and mannerisms. The smile or the hair or the way he sits in a chair, tacky rhyme I know.

But for the real thing, the life altering cosmic moment only God knows.

But I do know when it does come, I sure won’t be ready for it.